Relax! My tip for staying calm in everyday mom life. From one mom to another!
Being a mom is one of the most wonderful things in the world! But let's be honest – it's also the hardest job! You're on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. You have your eyes and ears always on the ground, ready to intervene quickly if things get dangerous. You want to do everything right, yet you often don't react the way you intended. Everyday life frequently puts you under constant pressure. And sometimes, instead of staying relaxed and calm, you act out of anger, stress, and pressure. You yell, even though you really wanted to be loving and understanding. You resort to measures you fundamentally oppose. And all you want is more peace of mind!
You don't always find the right strategy right away, and there are countless tips for more serenity. I've compiled a few of my tips for you here, tried them out myself and found them to be effective!
You are you!
Don't compare yourself to all the other moms. If you think the nice mom next door is much calmer and more relaxed than you because she always looks so happy, that doesn't mean it's actually true. We often only see a snapshot in time and not the stressful everyday life of others. You don't know what challenges she's already overcome today, and you don't see how she copes with them. Perhaps her strategy wouldn't work at all in your family, or maybe she's just having a particularly good day. Comparing yourself to others always puts you under unconscious pressure. It's like thinking: What does she do better than me? You should find your own personal way of dealing with stressful and particularly demanding situations. One that suits you and your family!
Take a deep breath!
You're running late, your child absolutely refuses to put on their shoes, and you realize you're already about to make your threat?
Now take three deep breaths! Why? Because breathing shifts your focus to something else—to yourself! Under tension and stress, our brain switches to unconscious mode. We act without thinking much, it's an automatic response. In that moment, it's only about survival, not about an appropriate reaction. Through conscious breathing, you regain your focus. You can look at the situation and then decide how you want to react. From experience, I know that this usually works very well.
Charge your battery regularly!
Have you ever tried making a call with a dead phone? It's impossible! It's the same for you! If you're constantly draining your energy, you'll have none left! And you've probably noticed that you're better able to stay calm and collected when you're rested and refreshed. So make sure you recharge your batteries regularly. Treat yourself to breaks and time off in your daily routine, make a list of things you'd like to do, and schedule time for them regularly! Self-care isn't about being selfish; it gives you the strength you need for your everyday life as a mom. Only when you take good care of yourself can you truly take good care of others!
Lower your expectations!
And by that I mean the expectations you place on yourself! No one can always react correctly and appropriately, never make mistakes. But if you expect exactly that of yourself, you create internal pressure, and that causes your composure to dwindle. "Nobody is perfect." And no one expects you to be. And if you're worried that your child will be harmed because you raised your voice once – children can cope quite well when Mom gets overwhelmed, and even better if you talk to them about it. Your children also learn from you, including how to deal with challenges.
Knowledge helps!
Especially during particularly challenging times, such as your child's autonomy phase, it's incredibly helpful to understand why your little one is suddenly acting the way they do. Having some background information allows you to shift your perspective and see the situation from the child's point of view. It doesn't make the drama any less intense, but understanding certain tantrums automatically brings more composure. You know what's going on, perhaps you already have a suitable strategy, or you can develop your own.
Try mindfulness.
When was the last time you consciously drank your coffee? Do you really know what it tastes like? In everyday life, you're so busy, your head full of to-dos, appointments, and shopping lists. You hardly notice the moment itself anymore. I've found that regular mindfulness exercises can have a huge impact on stress levels. Generally, mindful actions in everyday life also promote your composure in challenging moments. And you can easily integrate small exercises into your daily routine. They don't have to be hours of meditation. So, next time you have a cappuccino, practice mindfulness.
And if all else fails, run!
Stress hormones in your body, which you want to get rid of to become more relaxed, won't dissipate just by staring at a black dot. You have to take action! And the best way to do that is through exercise, ideally outdoors! You don't have to get your running shoes out of the closet right away. A long, leisurely walk is perfectly sufficient. You can also easily take one of these walks with your child.
Have you tried everything and nothing helps? Perhaps you gave up too soon. Some things are probably completely new to you, like mindfulness. And that doesn't happen overnight. New behaviors need to be practiced and trained. And you can only achieve that by trying again and again. Even if it didn't work so well today, tomorrow is a new day and you can try again! Over time, you'll see that you'll find it easier and easier to be calm!
I hope you have lots of fun trying it out!
Your Andrea