„"I'm so afraid of the pain of childbirth!" – this is what many women think when they are about to give birth for the first time. After all, they have seen very graphic depictions in many Hollywood films of how women suffer during childbirth. Perhaps they have also heard from their mother or a friend who has talked about intense pain.
A pain-free birth sounds like the desire to be able to fly: on the one hand completely utopian, on the other hand so tempting that one still hopes that it is somehow possible.
Is a pain-free birth really possible?
Some women who have had a very difficult birth experience find reports of painless births to be a cruel joke. After all, they suffered greatly during childbirth.
When other women rave about their births and report how "beautiful" the birth was or that they had no pain at all, these women feel as if they have failed. Or as if they had only imagined their suffering, as if they were too sensitive and shouldn't make such a fuss.
On the other hand, women who have truly experienced a beautiful, powerful, and low-pain (or even pain-free) birth often don't dare to speak out about it. They sometimes face accusations of lying or mocking the suffering of other women. As a result, they often can't fully express their joy and pride in their birth experience as they would like.
The truth is: Everything is possible. Everything is right! You can experience a wonderful, pain-free birth. And you can be proud of yourself and
be your body.
If you experienced a difficult birth, that's also true. You really suffered during childbirth. You did nothing wrong, and you have the right to own up to it!
How bad is the pain during childbirth?
A friend once asked me, shortly before her first birth, what the pain could be roughly compared to and how intense the pain during childbirth is. Pain is not the right measure of quality. Childbirth is far more complex than simply experiencing pain in the body until the baby arrives. In reality, childbirth is "work" (this is beautifully reflected in the English word "labor" for the contraction of the uterus).
During pregnancy, the uterus becomes a huge muscle that fills the entire abdominal cavity and back of the pregnant woman. For the baby to be born, this muscle works in very rhythmic and coordinated movements. These waves (I use this word instead of "contractions"; you can read a brief explanation of why here) represent a peak physical effort for the birthing woman.
How pain arises during childbirth
When this huge muscle, the "uterus," is working, I can guarantee you it's an intense experience. Perhaps you've experienced a cramp in your thigh before? When that huge muscle cramps up, you certainly can't drink coffee at the same time! It's similar during childbirth; except that uterine contractions aren't cramps and therefore aren't necessarily painful.
Pain arises when the body reaches its limits. Pain is always a signal from the body: it wants to tell you that something is wrong. Pain as a message from the body means: I'm not feeling well right now. Pay attention and do something about it!
During childbirth, a vicious cycle of fear, tension, and pain often develops: women are frequently afraid of giving birth and what lies ahead. Sometimes, however, these fears only arise during labor, because the woman remembers something or is completely overwhelmed by the intensity of the experience.
This fear then leads to tension: The body tenses up because fear always triggers a state of alert. The fight-or-flight response is triggered, causing the uterine muscles to harden.
This tension then triggers pain – which brings us back to the parallel with a cramp in the thigh muscle!
And pain during childbirth usually leads to the woman becoming even more afraid, because she feels: I can't stand this! The cycle begins anew.
How can I experience a pain-free birth?
The best way to experience a pain-free birth is relaxation. You may have heard this before, but never quite understood why relaxation helps. My explanation of the fear-tension-pain cycle will make it clear: Relaxation breaks this cycle – or ideally prevents it from starting in the first place.
How do you manage to stay relaxed? Despite anxieties and perhaps even an unpleasant midwife? In short: by staying present with yourself! Close your eyes and ears and simply feel what's inside you. This works best if you practice relaxation frequently during your pregnancy. But even if you are perfectly prepared and relaxed like a Zen master: Childbirth is never a walk in the park. It's more like climbing a mountain: very challenging, very intense, and it can definitely push you to your physical limits. You might experience pain. That's perfectly normal and no reason to be worried.
The truth about pain during childbirth
Many women describe their birth as a dream birth or a pain-free birth, even if they experienced pain briefly or for a longer period (e.g., during the baby's head exit). This means that even with pain, a birth can be painless. Paradoxical, but true!
Ultimately, you might even find that you experience the pain of childbirth as pleasant. Because when you are relaxed, it's not pain that overwhelms you. Instead, it's a pain of love and surrender., similar to how you may have experienced and enjoyed it during lovemaking with your partner or while stretching after sports.
If you expect your birth to be absolutely pain-free and only then can it be truly beautiful, you're putting yourself under immense pressure. You might even find yourself constantly waiting for when and if you'll feel pain during labor. And that certainly won't make your birth relaxed and beautiful.
I told my friend that the pain during childbirth varies greatly. That's the only true answer. You can't predict it, you can only prepare yourself well. And do your best. For a beautiful and powerful birth, whether painful or not.
And now think about flying again: If you believe in it, you can do it! Otherwise, we probably wouldn't have airplanes today, would we? So believe in yourself!